A global support network for the LGBTIQ+ community

April 11, 2018

Taffy

"As I grew older, I forced my subconscious to believe that I was straight"

As a gay young man living in Jamaica. Growing up, I was always teased about my femininity and I could never understand why...all I knew was I hated it and as a result, I tried to be a 'manly' like those that loved women as portrayed in the media and movies.

I remember growing up questioning myself. What did I ever do to deserve to be treated in such an unfair and unkind manner by my peers? As I grew older, I forced my subconscious to believe that I was straight; when in reality, I never did LOL. I remember finding Lady Gaga (queeeeeeeeeeen!) in the 6th grade and I became the gayest thing ever. I remember waking up every morning playing Poker Face, especially to learn the little rap-like section that goes “I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you...” In all honesty, she changed my life with her music and even her fashion, her lyrics, her advocacy - all of which are truly amazing.

Things had gone downhill for me into high school and my self-hatred had grown like a cancerous lump. I hated how I walked, spoke and even how I interacted with others, to the point of which sometimes I wished I were a robot. Eventually, things got better after long nights’ chat with you, my friend when we played the Role Play Game (RPG), Elsword. You taught me how to love and appreciate myself for who I was and not what others thought of me. From there on, I became a new person who loved and cherished myself.

But by being gay in Jamaica it doesn’t end...For we are unable to openly express our love without mean looks and comments. Additionally, in certain areas (mainly the ghettos) it is dangerous to exist as one could lose his or her life.

At the end of the day, I am Me and I will never stop being me...Though I do my best to stay alive so my mother won’t cry her heart out, I retain my realness and pride as a gay young man in Jamaica.

Sincerely,

Taffy

Become An Ally