A global support network for the LGBTIQ+ community

April 8, 2017


My greatest fear is to be rejected by the people I expect to be there for me

By the time you read this, I will have told you that I’m Bisexual. To be completely honest, I cannot predict how you will be responding, what thoughts will be running through your minds. Why is your friend bisexual? What can you do to change how I am? Will she ever be happy? What will everyone else think? — Those are just some of the questions I foresee you might be pondering. I am hoping that I will be able to tell you much of what I want to say, but in case things get left out, I am writing this letter to give me another chance to say what’s on my mind.

In any case, I hope this will allow you to go over what I want to say at a pace you’re comfortable with, and to take in these ideas and concepts as you’re ready for them.

The first thing I want you to know is that I have always been bisexual, this is not a temporary phase, and it is not something I ever “chose” or “decided” to be. I’ve thought about it a lot, and as best as I can remember, I first knew I was bisexual at age 10 or 11, although it took a few more years for me to fully realize the full implications of what it meant to be bisexual. But even years earlier, I knew I was different. I am completely convinced that being bisexual is the way I was born, and nothing you or anyone else ever did “made” me bisexual. My natural orientation and preference is toward men and women, and as for its being a “choice,” my only choice, as I see it, has been whether to be open and honest about my feelings, or to continue to deny and hide them. Being bisexual is simply part of who I am — and a part I’ve been longing to share with you for quite some time.

The question of telling you has been without doubt the ultimate pressing issue on my mind for quite a few years — long before I began planning how or when to tell you, I knew it was something that would eventually have to be done. Of course, there was always the possibility that I could just never tell you and keep that part of my life permanently hidden from you.

For one, you are too close and too important to me, for me to keep such an important part of my life from you. It is a tribute to you that we are such close friends, and in all other aspects of my life, I have always tried to keep you informed of what I’m doing and what’s important to me. Up till now, I have by default excluded you from this part of my life, but it has become painful to keep something so important to me hidden from you. I love and appreciate you (Trishann, Krissann, Shantile) and I want to give you the opportunity to share this part of my life with me.

But there are other factors behind my decision to tell you. I have tried to speculate upon how each of you would react to this news you have just received, but as I mentioned earlier, I honestly have no idea how you will respond. I figure I could either tell you or I could not but I know that if I held it all in, only to find out much later in life you would have been loving and supportive all along (and from the love you’ve shown me all my life, I think I owe it to you to believe that you are capable of continuing to love and support me as you always have), the regret would be too great, the feelings that we missed sharing so much of my life would be disheartening and overwhelming.

I would really appreciate your continuous love and support to cushion the blows and discrimination from the wider society, and to stand with me and publicly say you will support me despite me being bisexual. My greatest fear is to be rejected by the people I expect to be there for me so I am really hoping that you don’t.

I’m sure you have many questions you’ll want to ask me, and you’ll also surely have some stereotypes ingrained in your head. I can’t hope to address them all at once, but I’d really like to at some point discuss any and all questions you have; after all, that is one of the reasons why I finally chose to tell you.

But I want you to remember, (Trishann, Krissann, Shantile), that I’m the same person today that I was yesterday — I still want to enjoy being with you, only now you know a little bit more about me. And we now have before us a tremendous opportunity to become closer than we ever have, a chance to share all my hopes and aspirations for my life. I still love you and will always love you just the same, and I hope that you can continue loving me and being happy for me as you always have. And remember, whenever you have questions or issues you feel you’re ready to discuss, please don’t hesitate to call me and ask me anything. Really, I want to be there for you, to help you through this, just as I hope you will be there for me.

Trishann, Krissann, Shantile I will love you always.

Become An Ally